In the past few years I鈥檝e watched friends go through some pretty extraordinary and life-altering events. Tough stuff like losing spouses or parents; fighting cancer, children with cancer, and health issues that turn the day-to-day inside out; separation and divorce; or losing financial footing.聽
And every time one of my friends goes through something devastating I鈥檝e noticed something equally beautiful that comes from their sharing of the experience. Friends and family rally. They pull together and offer support 鈥� from crowd-funding campaigns to a shoulder to cry on, a cup of tea, a meal.聽
I鈥檝e been reflecting on this a lot lately as I go through my own rough patch. Because it鈥檚 different when you aren鈥檛 well and you aren鈥檛 able to talk about it. It鈥檚 fair to say there are those of us who are private or prefer to think that we don鈥檛 need anyone鈥檚 help, but in reality it鈥檚 hard to keep things under wraps when you lose a job, your home or a loved one 鈥� especially in a small town. These things become commonly known quite quickly and it鈥檚 societally acceptable to openly struggle, grieve and even expect help.聽
But when you have depression it can be quite different.聽
Having experienced depression at several points throughout my life, I can say it鈥檚 a particularly tricky beast. Yes, there are resources and support out there 鈥� but depression is sneaky. It鈥檚 calculating. It doesn鈥檛 want you to involve others. It doesn鈥檛 want you to tell your friends or your family or your boss. It loves that you think you can get the upper hand and constantly struggle to do so.聽 It revels in the shame you might feel and the fact that you keep it a secret.聽
You wonder, maybe you鈥檙e just sad, angry or tired? Add to that a foggy brain; a lack of interest in the things that used to get you out of bed in the morning; and changes in appetite, sleep and your ability to work, and you鈥檙e suddenly dealing with an army of symptoms that render you unable to seek the support that would ultimately help shift everything.聽
Depression has been a monster in my closet. I came to know it most intimately in my 20s after a marriage and a career both ended. And since then it鈥檚 always loomed, a shadowy figure lurking in the wings waiting for a moment of weakness when it could slip back into my life uninvited.
If I can say only one thing about depression it鈥檚 this: Talk about it. Tell someone. Tell a bunch of people. Yank it out of the shadows and shine a light on it.聽
The hell that is depression is living in that space in between. That place where all you do is question your emotions or tell yourself you just need to pull yourself together and be stronger.
I鈥檝e only been able to begin to recover from depression after I finally said it out loud to another person, whether it was a trusted friend, family member or professional.聽
That moment consistently marks the beginning of things looking up.
More recently a counsellor suggested I consider the 鈥済ood鈥� things depression brings to my life. I know, I too thought perhaps she was crazy, but as we continued to chat it became evident that as bizarre as it seems, depression might actually have something to offer.
Depression makes me aware that I need to feel and express more emotion; that I need to rest, slow down, make fewer decisions and take on less responsibility. Because that鈥檚 what it does. It makes all of those things happen, whether I like it or not.聽
It鈥檚 hard, but I鈥檓 working on welcoming the feelings that come with depression. This, in turn, helps me to identify it as it approaches, so I may be able to talk about it sooner. So that it may leave sooner.聽
And by speaking about it you are giving the people around you the chance to step up and lend a hand, or an ear, or a shoulder. Not everyone will respond the way you need or hope, but there are those who will 鈥撀燼nd those who will surprise you in ways you could never have imagined.聽
This is the silver lining 鈥� the beauty of people rising to the occasion. And there鈥檚 a gift in allowing them to do it.聽
It all starts with talking about it.聽
