麻豆社国产

I smiled as I watched this outburst of 鈥渁dorable attitude鈥� as I bounced my then cute, wordless eight-month-old on my knee.

Three years later and the payback is all mine.

The eldest who, so far, has been quite willing, compliant and sweet has, seemingly overnight, morphed into a small teenager with pendulum swings of unpredictable attitude that have left me flustered and frustrated, including at a recent Christmas craft fair, where she loudly proclaimed, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 LIKE it here,鈥� and then fell to pieces when asked if she鈥檇 like to make a Christmas ornament.

Then there was the almighty battle of trying on a jacket, for which I surely earned my place in the hall of fame for less-than-perfect-parenting moments.

It was time to reach out for help.

Alex McKimm and Tsan Chester are early childhood educators with more than 30 years of experience between them, and recognise this stage 鈥� the threenager 鈥� all too well. (McKimm is also the program director of 麻豆社国产Saplings Outdoor Program.)

鈥淭hey start to realise they鈥檙e separate from you. They have own agendas and their own plans which, unfortunately, don鈥檛 always coincide with yours,鈥� explains Chester. And because they know what they want to do, but aren鈥檛 always able to do it, this often triggers tempers and tantrums, she adds.

It鈥檚 also stage during which they often test family rules and boundaries, explains McKimm. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e looking at how the rules apply and if are they consistent.鈥�

For example, though you may have brushed teeth every day for years, you might suddenly find you have a mini-mutiny on your hands as your threenager is trying to suss out whether you鈥檙e really committed to seeing this through.

Though choosing your battles with threenagers might be wise, fighting over health, safety, or already-established routines and schedules isn鈥檛 ground you want to give up, explains McKimm. 鈥淚f these change, it gives them a sense of insecurity because suddenly the established rules look shaky, so they鈥檒l keep testing.鈥澛� She adds that by not wavering in these areas, parents give little ones a sense of structure and security.

Within this supportive framework offer lots of choices, suggests Chester, especially where it鈥檚 a genuine choice 鈥� one in which you don鈥檛 mind which way they choose.

Letting them take charge of their own play is also great way to give them the opportunity to run the show, she McKimm.

To build their autonomy and confidence further, Chester suggests 鈥渟caffolding.鈥� 鈥淪et up the situation [such as getting dressed, tying shoe laces or opening the door] so that they do it in little steps at a time; or set it up so that they just do the last steps, so that they experience success without the frustration.鈥�

If you鈥檙e faced with an emotional outburst, validate how they are feeling and help them articulate their emotions, says McKimm. 鈥淩eally understand how intense their feelings are right now and try and help bring it back from there.鈥� She suggests using phrases such as, 鈥淵ou seem really frustrated right now. How can I help you calm your body?鈥� Or 鈥淒o you need some space right now?鈥�

And, in the moment, if you鈥檙e feeling frustrated too, label it as being so, says McKimm. Really validate how you鈥檙e feeling, she explains. 鈥淭his is what mommy looks like when I鈥檓 frustrated鈥�or, I feel really frustrated that you鈥檙e crying about this because it鈥檚 something we do every day.鈥�

By being observant of your emotions and using a varied and elaborate vocabulary with little ones, you鈥檙e teaching them how to articulate their disagreements respectively. 鈥淚t鈥檚 an amazing skill to have,鈥� says McKimm, 鈥渁nd can even help in adult relationships.鈥�

Though you may feel like you鈥檙e going through an emotional wringer with a threenager in the house, remember to stay calm and don鈥檛 take it personally, says Chester. 鈥淟ittle ones live in the moment,鈥� says McKimm. Follow their lead; be present, let go of what happened, move on, and have humour.