Editor鈥檚 note:: This story contains language that may be upsetting to some readers.
Last week The Chief reported on a Grade 9 student at Don Ross Middle School who was on the receiving end of some vicious comments about her race and heritage. Eliyana Stern, who identifies as Jamaican and Jewish, said she has been harassed at school and home, and attacked on social media. The girl was quoted as saying that she had almost 鈥渂ecome numb鈥� to it all after experiencing it for more than two years at the school she and her sister attend. 聽
The story made the rounds, becoming a hot topic of conversation among parents in coffee shops and school parking lots around Squamish.聽
I think most of us with a beating heart would agree that derogatory behaviour is unacceptable. It needs to be halted and sufficiently addressed 鈥� particularly in a town with such diverse and healthy populations of non-Caucasians as ours. This is not a time for school administration and community leaders to bury their heads in the sand. It is a time to demonstrate how we as a society want to conduct ourselves. It is a time to teach. Instead of downplaying the issue, school administrators might actually consider seizing this golden opportunity.
One of the most disturbing aspects to this growing situation has been the reaction of some adults (and I use that term loosely). Reading comments on social media, there have been suggestions that the way to deal with these 鈥渂ullies鈥� is to attack them in return. To hurt them back, even to physically assault them.聽
One man with ties to our community, let鈥檚 call him 鈥淛eb,鈥� wrote: 鈥淪omebody with tough kids should get them to beat the f*cking piss out of the little degenerates that bullied this girl. And then those little sh*ts should be sent to youth detention centre for two weeks, held back a year in school because they are obviously stupid. I can鈥檛 stand bullies, obviously. I was on the brunt end a couple times when I was younger, until I just said f*ck it and gave them a beating. But some kids can鈥檛 do that, and I understand. They鈥檒l need help in other ways.鈥�
I鈥檒l forgive you if you鈥檙e speechless. I was. And while the first few sentences might seem the harshest, I want you to read the last part again. He 鈥渦nderstands.鈥� He was bullied. And no one did anything about it. That experience shaped his present attitude.
The thing is, none of this is unusual behaviour for children. (Frankly, it鈥檚 not uncommon for some adults as evidenced by recent politics south of the border.) But children are, by definition, immature. It鈥檚 our job to guide them.
Questions we should ask ourselves: What motivates a child to use hateful and derogatory language toward a peer? What are their influences? Who are their role models? Who do they see in their day-to-day lives behaving in such a way that makes it feel acceptable, right or appropriate?聽
And then, do they actually believe what they are saying? This is perhaps the most important question to pose.
We all must be able to remember a time when influences penetrated our own minds and coloured our speech. It may have been yesterday or last week, never mind 20 or 30 years ago.聽
We try things on all the time, don鈥檛 we? Just to see how they feel. Just like slipping into a new pair of jeans at the mall, we try on attitudes, turns of phrase, and yes, we even try on hateful characteristics that qualify as racist, or homophobic, or misogynistic. Just to see how they feel.聽
And when we are 11, or 15, we try on an awful lot of things. Sometimes they feel good, like when we help a new kid at school get around or a friend who just doesn鈥檛 get math the way we do.聽
We also try on things that we ultimately reject, like ill-fitting jeans. But it took the experience of putting them on and looking in a mirror 鈥� perhaps even asking a friend or trusted clerk their opinion 鈥撀燽efore returning them to the rack once we realized those pants aren鈥檛 for us.
Sometimes, though, we have no one to ask. Or people tell us we look great, thinking that鈥檚 what we want to hear.聽
Or perhaps those jeans are so common that even though they don鈥檛 suit us we buy them anyway. And because they are on every other person you pass in the hall, they feel 鈥渞ight.鈥澛�
So when we are talking about hateful behaviour there鈥檚 good reason for adults with solid judgment and a clear sense of mind intervene.
Perhaps if that had happened when Jeb experienced such things as a young person he might have formed different 鈥� and hopefully more positive and productive 鈥� values. Instead, his instincts tell him today that physical violence is not only a suitable answer, it鈥檚 the best one. He鈥檇 even drag in children unrelated to the event and expose them to new trauma just to teach the others a thing or two.聽
Let鈥檚 start a new trend in Squamish: one full of love, compassion and generosity of spirit.聽
And let鈥檚 commit to telling each other 鈥� and particularly our youth 鈥� when something doesn鈥檛 suit them.聽
